Connect More Deeply
I not too long ago gave a keynote speech entitled “Connect Extra Deeply” on the Hope World Forum in Atlanta, Georgia hosted by a non-revenue known as Operation Hope. U.S Secretary of Treasury Jack Lew, Chelsea Clinton and Andrew Younger, one among Dr. Martin Luther King’s, Jr.’s lieutenants in the civil rights movement, were a couple of of the esteemed audio system.
Though I’ve given over 1,000 speeches or workshops in my speaking profession, this speech was totally different. The visceral response caught me off guard. I had a girl literally apologize to me after my speech because she felt some of her colleagues have been disrespecting me as a result of they weren’t totally listening to my message. I’ve hooked up my edited speech transcript here. Might it make it easier to join extra deeply with one particular person today. You are not alone.
We all attend conferences for various causes. Some of us come to listen to the headlining audio system. Others perhaps wish to get away for just a few days. Most of us, nevertheless, want to connect with somebody you wish to study from, work with or work for. Tonight I’m going to share three issues we will all do to attach more deeply with one another.
Earlier than I share these three things, I first want to address the two primary the explanation why we don’t connect more deeply. It is because we’re over-stimulated and hyper-related. The culprit, the reason, the cause is that this magical device called a smartphone.
How many people have this morning routine
Earlier than we may even step out of our bed and even open both eyes, we roll over to the side, decide up our smartphones and begin checking our text messages, emails, tweets and Fb likes and feedback. All all through our day, from when we leave our residence, to once we go to work, then lunch, then back to work, and eventually back house, we are continuously checking our smartphones all throughout the day.
An Android app company named Locklet surveyed one hundred fifty,000 users and found that the average consumer checked their cellphone one hundred ten occasions in the course of the day. Their excessive frequency customers, nonetheless, checked their cellphone 900 occasions. [Audible gasps from the audience.] If there are an average of sixteen waking hours that means these “high frequency users” checked their telephones almost 60 occasions per minute!
We aren’t social media beings; we are human beings. We’re not LinkedIn beings; we are human beings. And as a lot as Mark Zuckerberg needs us to be Facebook beings; we’re human beings.
Human beings join more deeply by sharing tales with each other.
That’s the first lesson I’m going to share with you.
Lesson 1: Share Your Story
Learn how to share your story in a strong, passionate and poignant means. Perhaps probably the most inspiring story of all time is Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. He left such an indelible mark on my life that I named my firm KGL after him and two different visionaries. KGL stands for King, Gandhi, and Bruce Lee. I hold their ideals up each day to remind myself of what to try toward with my shoppers, colleagues, and everybody I meet.
The rationale why his story is inspiring is because we can see our personal story in his life.
The first time I ever visited Atlanta was in April of 2000. I did not know at the time that Atlanta is where Dr. King was born. I had a chance to go to his dwelling on Auburn Avenue, walked over to Ebenezer Baptist Church where he was a pastor, and finally ended up at the King Middle where his tomb rests on high of a stone island on this lovely reflection pool.
As I stood there in front of Dr. King’s tomb, I learn his epitaph, “Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr. 1929 – 1968 ‘Free eventually. Free at last. Thank God Almighty I am Free eventually.'” I felt such a deep connection at that second because simply six weeks prior I had stop my day job at American Specific where I worked at 40 Wall Road. I had put my residence up on the market and I was leaving my family and mates behind in New York City to move to California where like Dr. King, I too had a dream. I wished to be a published author, speaker, entrepreneur and singer-songwriter. I had a lot fear and doubt and insecurity. I was so afraid however, in some way, standing in front of Dr. King’s presence gave me such strength, conviction and power. I used to be determined to succeed.
On Could 6, 2000, I obtained on a airplane and flew to San Francisco. 9 months later, I had completed and published my first book, a school success guide. A year later, I moved down to Los Angeles to be a singer-songwriter while simultaneously building my enterprise as a speaker and marketing consultant.
Eight years later in 2008, I had an opportunity to come back to the South however this time to Tennessee. I knew that Dr. King met his physical demise in Memphis, Tennessee. So though I used to be in Nashville, Tennessee co-writing a music, I decided to drive the 218 miles by myself to see The King. I wasn’t going to go to Elvis Presley’s Graceland, I was going to visit the Lorraine Motel where Dr. King met his physical demise and that i additionally needed to go to the Charles Mason Temple Church the place Dr. King gave his final speech entitled “I have been to the Mountaintop” the day earlier than he handed away.
After i arrived on the church at 2:30pm in the afternoon, the parking lot was not solely closed, but it surely was gated shut, with a sequence and pad lot, together with a safety guard sitting in her car inside the parking lot. I walked as much as the gate and called out to the security guard. “Hello, I am out of city and that i just drove three hours to get here. Is that this the church the place Dr. King gave his last speech earlier than he died ” The safety guard regarded confused and unsure. So she took out her phone and known as someone to ask. Moments later she said, “Sorry, this is not the church.”
I could not consider her phrases. I’m almost constructive I had researched the best church and since I had just driven 218 miles to see this church I was perplexed.
As I walked away from her, I decided to walk along the side of the church to the entrance entrance. At one level, I looked up at the side of the church wall and seen a huge plague that learn, “This edifice is the positioning of the last deal with of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.”
I had found the correct place. The safety guard just didn’t know.
In 2000, I had a dream and i stood at Dr. King’s tombstone not figuring out how my path would prove. Then by 2008, I used to be dwelling my dream after i visited Memphis, Tennessee and once i sat in the sanctuary on the Charles Mason Temple Church I had an opportunity to thank and join with Dr. King again.
Now eight years later, sixteen years after coming right here for the first time, I am here talking to you all. Desires are potential. Dreams are real. You can dwell your dreams.
The first lesson to attach extra deeply is to share your personal and professional story.
Lesson 2: Hear Extra Deeply
The second lesson I wish to share is about listening. The Chinese language have an attractive language. The Chinese character for listen has 5 distinct elements. On the left hand aspect, it is the character for ears. However on the correct hand facet, it is damaged up into 4 characters which individually mean “you”, “eyes”, “one”, and “coronary heart.” Whenever you listen, you ought to be specializing in one individual and you are not simply listening along with your ears. You’re additionally listening along with your eyes but most significantly together with your heart.
Listen with your coronary heart.
Lesson three: Find the commonest Denominators
The final lesson I will share is about simple math. Once we add two fractions collectively like 1/2 and 1/3 you can’t add them together until you find the commonest denominator. In this case, 6 is the commonest denominator. Once we discover a common denominator, we will add 1/2 and 1/three together to equal 5/6.
Why will we as a individuals deal with our differences and anticipate us to get along I simply flew into Atlanta just a few hours in the past after attending an occasion at the White House. Sitting subsequent to me during my flight was a woman named Carrell. If I centered on our variations there could be many: Carrell was white and I’m Asian. Carrell is from the South and that i stay in California. Carrell is a woman and I am a man. Carrell is a retired psychologist and has been married 3 times. I am still working and have by no means been married.
As an alternative of specializing in all these variations, we shared a lot in frequent. We both beloved to journey, help individuals, and share stories. She spoke about her trip to Italy final 12 months and I discussed how I was flying to Atlanta to give a keynote speech. We had such an awesome dialog as a result of even though we had so many seemingly outward differences, we selected to concentrate on stone island light reflective jacket our widespread denominators.
I need to end with one remaining story. After i attended the Clinton Global Initiative Annual Assembly final 12 months in New York, former President Invoice Clinton had a closing plenary session where he interviewed a NASA astronaut named Cady Coleman whereas simultaneously Skype calling two astronauts – one American and one Russian – on the International Area Station. When President Clinton requested Coleman about her expertise in space, she simply said, “In space, when you are wanting down there aren’t any countries. It is one place and we’re all from there.”
To summarize, if you need to attach extra deeply, concentrate on sharing your private story in a powerful and memorable way. Listen not simply along with your ears but together with your eyes and most significantly with your heart. And lastly, give attention to finding the most typical denominators if you want to connect with someone.
Lastly, please turn this off more [holding up my smartphone] all through the day.
Christopher Kai is founder and CEO of KGL, a strategic-consulting agency that helps c-stage executives and sales professionals with personal branding, disruptive marketing, and business development methods. He is a company speaker, advisor, and author.